“The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.”
–Tony Robbins
After Renee and Jordan at Done By Nine told me my website was LIVE I couldn’t look at it for a week. Of course, I knew already what it looked like. I had been working on this for a year after all (my whole life in fact). But everything feels different when “it’s out there,” you know. It’s not like my product is tupperware or bananas. My product is me. My writing, coaching, celebrant services, community offerings and more to come. But F**K it’s confronting! So on Tuesday 7th May at 5.55am I created a sacred space and opened up my laptop. Covering my face with my hands I peered through open fingers to take just a little peek. And then I started crying. And laughing. And crying. Yeah, lucky it was just me and my cat. But trust me, you will know already or will know one day, what it looks like to achieve a dream after many challenges. You must allow yourself to go a little crazy on the journey.
Some who know me may find it surprising that putting myself out there on a platform is absolutely terrifying to me. After all, I have been known to be found standing up at Open Mic nights talking about everything from shit to online dating. I am known for word bombing local community pages with mental health support and positive musings on the so-called dreaded Wānaka inversion. I’m known for pouring my heart and soul onto my excitedly newly discovered facebook page opportunity over lock down. That certainly created a small flurry of concern for my mental health and sanity, “My god is she really talking about this stuff out loud?” Please Jo just give us normal, easy, family snaps or pre lockdown coconutty holiday vibes.” And whilst those are lovely posts, that is not what I was there for.
My musings created a larger flurry, however, of private messages or surreptitious approaches in New World and Big Fig, Mt Iron and Freshlink. “Thank You.” They said. “That resonated with me.” They smiled. People were asking me privately for support, asking me to create groups where these conversations could be had in person. People were telling me their husbands or wives read the blogs over breakfast snorting into their organic oats. People were saying it made a nice change from the often negative and anger inducing daily scroll. This was all a pleasant and unexpected side effect as I was writing, to be perfectly honest, for me. I was writing for my own wellbeing and clarity rather than with a particular audience in mind. And given the only platform I had stumbled upon was a rather unfamiliar Facebook, where I had an arbitrary collection of friends including people I don’t even know and a one night stand from the 1990’s, my audience was definitely not cultivated. I only just worked out where you are notified of friend requests, and that when you get sent a friend request from Gary in Utah standing beside a yellow Porsche he is not your friend. To my intentional and NON random FB friends I apologise if I am a bad scroller and liker of your lovely posts. I am trying to get better. I have never, by choice, had FB on my phone and have often only opened it on my laptop to write. But things are changing. Please tell me where the time is to do this. Do I have to get up at 4am now? More on social media fears another time.
So yes, I do put myself out there in many ways. I dance on tables in peacock outfits without dutch courage and dive naked into the ocean in the middle of a winter storm. You have to follow the call. But it’s not easy, particularly when you are putting out something close to your heart. You have to dig deep and then not give a f**k about what others think. Very difficult indeed as we are tribal creatures by nature and want to belong to the pack. But I am confident that when we listen to our heart and soul anything that calls us to “put it out there” will find it’s people. And the sun rises and the sun sets and the moon rises and the moon sets and life goes on.
“And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.”
–Paulo Coelho
When we follow the call of our heart and dare to get out of our comfort zone it will most certainly be absolutely terrifying. It will also most certainly be absolutely exhilarating. Learning to hold both fear and courage and to keep moving forward with trust. To do anything for our growth and ultimate happiness we have to take that step into the unknown. A plunge into the freezing cold water. It will be hard. But so worth it as you stand on the lake edge in the glittering sunshine afterwards feeling and vibrating ALIVENESS from every cell of your body.